Special guests soon to be appearing in 'Nam...

You may or may not have heard of the award-winning Latino writer Silvio Sirias, author of Bernardo and the Virgin, a novel about a Nicaraguan priest, and Meet Me Under the Ceiba, a novel about a Nicaraguan lesbian (read the synopses here).

I happen to know him because he is my friend. I met him in 2000 in Nicaragua, and by 2003 I had also met Bernardo and the Virgin (the Virgin being Our Lady, not Bernardo's girlfriend). I first met the pair in draft form, one chapter at a time, read out loud by the author, in the company of said author's friends, lounging of a tropical evening on said author's porch. I am now very pleased to introduce them to you, here, in a very different (though still tropical) setting.

That's right, Bernardo and the Virgin are comin' to 'Nam!

As part of a virtual book tour the first two weeks of June, Bernardo and the Virgin will be holding a Q&A session hosted by yours truly, as well as visiting exciting spots like Ha Long Bay and the Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum. Stay tuned for pictures.

They will be escorted by my family:

Okay, maybe that picture's a little misleading. Take two. They will be escorted by my family:

Robert Forsythe, Ph.D. Mathematics

Nina Forsythe, MFA, Poetry

Asa Forsythe, sooon-to-be BA, Philosophy

You can tell I come from the finest stock that the world of goofballs has to offer. I think Bernardo and the Virgin are in for the ride of their literary lives.

Stay tuned to join the adventure.

How to have the Ultimate Italian Gelato Experience

What you do is you take a Starbucks model:

And bring her to HaMy Sophie Ice Cream From Europe at 1A Tràng Tiền St., hotline: 04.35149253. Then buy her one scoop of Ice Cream From Europe (preferably vanilla flavored, price $0.50) and plop it into her coffee. 

Voila! You have just created the

!!

There is a profound thought here, actually, and it is this: So much of advertising strives to make your life look boring and incomplete and so, by way of contrast, make the product look exciting and fulfilling. But what if we turned this concept on its head? What if we went about "advertising" our own lives instead? What if we chose to see the little things in our lives as exciting and fulfilling and so, by way of contentment, make much of the commercial advertising around us utterly superfluous? 

What if a simple combination of coffee, vanilla ice cream, and a friend was all you needed to have the Ultimate Italian Gelato Experience?

For the sake of thoroughness, here y'all go.

The resident perfectionist who dwells inside my brain has dictated that I include links on my blog to my facebook albums. Considering that it has been a while since I last did that, I've got a large batch for your perusal. Browse and enjoy!



Long overdue photos from my host sister's birthday celebrated in Hai Phong last year.






The Lim Festival, with an enlightening article published in Vietnam Cultural Window, edited by yours truly.






An excursion to Ba Vi Mountain where Uncle Ho hung out a lot during the war and where pollution remains blessedly absent.




Thế Giới Publisher's latest field trip: a triple spiritual site sampler, in which Hannah learns the difference between a shrine, a temple, and a pagoda.

And my personal favorite, an illustrated step-by-step guide to bringing the Lunar New Year to your own home.

I ♥ English Pronunciation

This is my host brother Hiếu (pronounced kind of like "Hue").

This is a closeup of the patch sewn onto Hiếu's pants.

This is what Hiếu and I do most weekday nights.

Hint: we are studying English. This is how a typical pronunciation review goes:

"Okay, Hiếu, I want you to read the first word in this list."

"Pro-nun-ci-a-tion."

"No, no, no, that's the title of the list. Read the first word in the list."

"Veter...veterniratiry."

"No, it's veterinarian."

"Ve-te-ri-na-ti-ry."

"Repeat after me: ve"

"ve"

"ter"

"ter"

"in"

"in"

"ar"

"ar"

"ian"

"ian"

"Ve-ter-in-ar-ian."

"Ve-ter-in-ar-ian."

"Great job! Read it again."

"Ver-ti-ni-raian. Trời ơi, khó quá!"

You know you've lived in Hanoi too long if...

I have lived in Hanoi for 1 year, 7 months, and 2 weeks. And though I am far from being "just like a Vietnamese person" as many people attempt to praise me, I nevertheless have reached a degree of assimilation. Here are some of the indications that you've lived in Hanoi long enough for things to sink in:

• You casually say things like "Today I was riding my xe đạp and decided to stop at this one tea stand in my ngõ and got lots of xinh đẹps from the lady there. Then a xe máy almost ran into me." (credit: Calah Schlabach)

• You can cross a shoe checkpoint without even breaking stride.

• An alarming proportion of your personal items are decorated with chubby animals, and/or something monstrous is dangling from your cell phone.

"Fu female"

• 20-degree weather causes you to dress like this (because you know those cement walls and floors were not designed to keep you warm).

• "The Lake" means Hoàn Kiếm Lake.

• When you go out to eat, you look for the smallest plastic chairs possible (because everyone knows the size of the chairs is inversely proportionate to the deliciousness of the food).

 

• Alternately, you choose your restaurant solely based on how funny the name sounds. 

Highschool Restaurant Teeny Pizza actually sells teeny pizzas!!!!

• You find yourself asking things like "How old are you?" "Are you married?" "How much did you pay for that?" of people you only just met.

What do I do all day anyways?

This is a good question for me to ask myself, too. I may live 12 time zones away from my nearest blood relatives, but I still work a nine-to-five, and it helps to remind myself what I actually do with all that time. When I'm not writing blog posts, mostly I am editing articles that have been translated from Vietnamese into English. For example, an artist profile for a book on contemporary Vietnamese art, that starts like this:

Lê Quảng Hà was born in 1963 in Hanoi. 

This is the only sentence in the entire document that I did not change. The rest of the first paragraph goes like this:

His skinny and spare-face showed his strong personality, naughty and activeness with sharp eyes widely opening to stare at everythings as if they were looking for the inside natures, never take his eyes off anything. Keen on drawing since he was young, Ha started his drawing class in children’s club when he was only 7. When grown up, he once tried to shift to Irrigational University but he could not be happy nor could find his position there. There was sometime when he even tried as a worker but it was not all right at all. Ha sat for an entrance exam in University of Fine Arts again. Painting seemed to be his fate that was unavoidable. His first three school years was in Ho Chi Minh city University of Fine Arts (1986- 1989), and the next three years was in Hanoi Industrial Arts University (1989- 1992), and expescially under the instruction of femal painter Kim Bach, to whom he paid so much respect to, Lê Quảng Hà has become mature gained a lot of painting knowledge and experiences.

And this is what I turn it into, with a little luck, a little skill, and a lot of help from my amazingly patient boss, Mr. Long.

His thin face, with its wide eyes that seemed to pierce every object he looked at to their core, revealed a strong personality, both active and mischievous. Fond of drawing since he was young, Ha enrolled in a drawing class at his children’s club when he was only seven. When he was older, he tried to transfer to the Water Resources University but was unhappy and unable to find his place there. There was even a time when he tried his hand at manual labor, but he did not feel right about it. So he sat a second time for the entrance exam to the University of Fine Arts. Painting seemed to be his fate. His first three years of study were passed at the Ho Chi Minh City University of Fine Arts (1986-1989), and the next three years at the Hanoi School of Industrial Art (1989-1992), primarily under the instruction of the painter Kim Bach, to whom he owes great respect for giving him the knowledge and experience that would later help him become a mature painter.

Polished prose. Isn't it a beautiful thing?
Sometimes my job seems so tedious. Sometimes it is downright scary.

But right now, looking at the finished result, I can't help but feel a sense of accomplishment. And I have to admit there are times when my job is highly entertaining. Take these delightful examples from the The Gioi Publishers blooper reel, for instance:

I first knew the strange impressive and unforgettable light fragrance, the smell of straw bended with the good smell of village girl’s hair, which made one on a cloud nine. 

Someone sure knows their American idioms from 20 years ago!

They put the dó plaints in a mortal and smash them by a cylinder hummer until it turns into a platform.

[see below for clarification]

credit: my totally awesome brother, Asa Forsythe

Through the side windows, we can know how many women in the family get married. 

This one actually makes sense in context. One room with a window is added for each daughter that gets married. But you gotta appreciate the Freudian slip!

Cascadeur students act not only simple performances but also very dangerous ones such as jumping off a building, speeding on a motor, falling off an abyss, etc.

Wow! Makes my job seem like a piece of cake.
And the grand finale:

U Minh forest used to be a battlefield and a place to cover top leaders in the Southern Resistance, such a valuable forest of humankind should have been a culturally attractive address for tourism such as biology tourism, history tourism, especially for young generation. It’s so regretful it’s burnt and destroyed. Even the scene is also nothing more than concrete blocks and the forest is overexploited for commercial purposes. The difference between the rich and the poor here is taking place more drastically than ever. This is a hindrance to organising tourism industry structures but still keeping native distinctive cultural features? I dare to think that it’s time to put what’s modern or what’s traditional or what’s natural on the right place so as to keep the natural beauty, abundance and uniqueness... That’s how tourism can attract more tourists. It’s local authorirties’ reponsibilities to distinguish what belongs to distinctive tradition, what’s cuturally unique to maintain for offsprings, both physical and non-physical culture. To the end, the hardest-to-solve problem is human resources. From higher managers to staff, they all need traning very basically and the Government should generate favourable conditions by reasonable policies so that they can live on their jobs. Only by that could the non-smoke industry develop. Last but not less, the waterways gardens tourism will stand firm with a sound bandmaster.

And rightly so, in my opinion!

Peace.